When you have a Crush on someone

Today I asked my crush out to lunch one because the more I get to know Him it will not be just in my head. But today we talked like long last friends let him pick out food I never tryed. We had a great such a great time but he talks about the girls he is in to and it not me it not a big deal at all but it still hurts. It is like God why cant I have a guy like him he is such a good guy but there things I don’t like about him but I could say that about anyone. It is just I see more then friendship but he does not so I need to let it go because the ball is in his court. If he really did like him. He would call me friend first not that I am call him all the time. I just need to trust God and ask him why do I always like the wrong guys all the times. I guess i need move on

Podcast

I have not wrote a blog in forever. As a Uber Eats Driver I lesson to lots of podcast so here a list.

Masterpiece – I love Masterpiece on PBS and when this come on after my shows and I get to hear from the actor or show creators and hearing the behind the season is great

The Dance Podcast this is a seasonal podcast I started listening at #102 She give such good info and has great dancer on I wish this was out there when I was dancing I might have made it in the dance world.

Becoming us with Moriah and Joel Smallbone- So far there has only been season one. I know they are married and I am single but there story was still very helpful in my life

Laugh More: The Skit Guy-I started listen to this in Season 2 I all read love the Skit Guy. I am waiting for Season 3. I love learning about learning about the world of God but laughing at the same time.

We’re Going There with Bianca Juarez Olthof- So Far she has 3 Season and I am waiting for Season 4 in November and they came on Thursday when it start again. She has great topics and interview

Exhale with Holly Newton -I used to go to church with Holly and she has great Christian teaching for women and so far she has 6 Season

Walking Through Samaria-So far they have 3 Season. When it come back it on Tuesday or Wednesday. They try to find people like the Parable of he Good Samaritan. So many people who are walking closer to God I could not even think of. I have been learning a lot

Idisiple Verse of the Day This one just been Fun getting a bible verse every single day

That Sounds with Annie F Downs-She used to only have her Podcast Monday and Thursday but now it is Monday, Wednesday and Friday don’t know why for the change but I don’t care I love it. I started to lesson at Episode 225 with Karen Swallow Prior to tell the truth I did not get this interview but what keep me listening was Annie She is so Funny it felt like talking to old Friend

Praying Christian Women is every Monday I started at 105 have learn how to pray more and better but these 2 women are so funny it feel like I am part of these 2 friends life but they do talk about all kinds of stuff and they do also interview people as well.

Livin’ La Vida Gokey I just started this one it is a new one. It plays on Monday. It is about Danny and Leyicet life together

Live in Love with Lauren Akins She just started Season 2 this podcast is based off her book. This one come on Tuesday

Hope Still Win with Ben Higgins This one is on Tuesday. I have never watched the Bachelor so I never even about this stuff he was going. It been great hearing from different thought leaders.

10000Minutes: The Experiment with Tim Timmions This podcast come on Tuesday. I all ready like Tim Timmions and seeing how he trying to put Jesus in our everydays lives it is really helpful to me.

Reckless Grace with Bill Vanderbush This on come on Tuesday. Bill is a friend of mine and he wrote a book called Reckless Grace so he talk about his book and how to make it in our every days live

Coffee with Kailey come on Wednesday. This one just started so she interview her husband and talked about there love story

The Matthew West Podcast This one come on Wednesday. I love Matthew West music so hear him interview he Christmas music friends and there music is great.

Human Hope with Carlos Whittaker This one come on Thursday Carlos has so many different topics some times you can tell he tapes them the night before because he saw something on news it really good

The Lighthouse Midlothian TX I used to go to this church so just been keeping us with what they are doing there messages are really good but I do understand why I moved

Mosaic Cincinnati my friend goes to this church so I like to know what is going on there

Wave Church I found this one by accident but they have really good messages

Bethel Church Redding CA I have read some of Bill Johnson book so that is why I started listening to these messages

Faith Mountain Ministries This is my friend Bill Vanderbush podcast this is more like a bible studay

God plan

It has been forever since I wrote anything it just the same old same around here. But with the snow and the power outage. I had to really learn how to trust in God. So on V-Day I was upset that my internet was acting up durning church. But Monday when I got up my power went out I spent one day in the cold but on Tuesday I could not do it anymore so I drove to my mom and dad it took like 4 hours but it was worth it to be warm. But God is still in control. A week off means I will have to find away how to make money. I am grateful that I was able to stay with them. My dad even got me a new car battery which was nice I am also Glad I got food when I was with mom and dad then found out Austin had no food. Then found out JP moved back as well. I have the biggest crush on him and I will have to work to get ride it since I know he deserves God best for him

JP 42 Birthday

I had been planing his Birthday since August. But with Covid and him moving to Cypress it made things harder so we went to Snooze for Breakfast. I got him these Lord of the Rings Shot glasses. I should of took pics. I made him a cake. Got him Balloons they Were blue. With a 4 and 2 make 42. With a Happy Birthday one as well.

He Even got a Birthday Pancake. It was a fun and sweet time.

November 29-December 5

Sunday Message

This week on Uber Eats I only worked 30 Hours because I new my mom was comping up on Friday and I need to clean my house. Someday are great some days are bad. I just need to find a new job. I am so sick of this job.

Friday Mon and I were going to Austin Trail of lights. But we got so lost. But we did eat at this place called the corner.

Saturday we mostly just ran around all day. it was just a crazy day.

This has been a mess

I can’t even remember the Last blog I wrote. With my dad having a stroke a guy broke my car. I can’t even remember yesterday.

When my mom saw me on the November 5-8. My breaks started to sound funny. So I went on the app next door who said he could fix my breaks and he had a scan to help me out. But he broke this one part and cost me 1700 I want to find him to have him pay me back.

So on November 13 our church meet at the Hive and I found out JP was in Austin. I was truly upset he did not tell me but I had to remember we are just friends let it go.

So November 15 after church I text JP just to send a prayer but I don’t want to control him. He text me right back wanted to do coffee but I was so busy

So we meet up Wednesday after I got my hair done.

So I Thursday my mom was so stressed out about my brother coming. He was all ready there and she as me to come early. So I bugged JP to meet up with for coffee. I don’t know how he does it but he calms me down.

So Later that day I got to spend time with my mom, my brother, sister-in-law, and 2 nephews. It was great to see them for 2 days .

Sunday when mom and I left for church my brother and his family left to go back to San Antonio. Also my brother got my dad set up at Baylor rehab. We can’t see him due to covid-19.

Thursday for Thanksgiving it was just Mom, me and Toukta.

Friday mom and I went to Dallas Arboretum and North Park Trains.

Saturday I help mom put up her Christmas stuff so I left at 3p.m. and did not even get home until 7pm because everyone was on the road.

Lets hope this next week is better

I need to figure out next steps

So this just had been a mess. So I drove down to Cypress to drop off JP mom stuff but he was not home. That was so sad I could not see him. There something wrong with me I miss him so much my heart is breaking. So later that day my dad had a stoke and would not go to the hospital.

November 2 my dad was ready to die then go to the hospital. I am so glad JP called me he is like talking to a long lost family member. He is so sweet so kind so caring. When he finds his wife I know this kind sweet caring man will be someone I will truly miss but for now I got what I can get also I wish he would move back to Austin. NO one care but me I think I have lost it.

Tuesday November 3 my dad finally got the hospital. He is on a NGT tub mom is so upset.

No one was happy my mom came up friday but she need a break. So I just took her around Austin. Also we went with me to church. since we finally got to meet inside it was a great time.

Monday November 9 my breaks on my car sounded bad. The next day I got a guy to help me with my car. But he broke my piston. Then Wednesday another guy went to help but he could not help. So I had my car towed back my parents house. So on Thursday my mom friend of a friend fixed my break but could not fix camshaft to get my parking break to work so my mom payed 1700 so I need to get get fixed. So Friday my mom let me use her car for a church things but it was not for me never again. So Saturday I got back to mom place we picked up the car and went home.

But today make me think I need a new job, New plan new live.

I love JP so much but I need to find away to just be friends I know that what he want but someday in my mind I fell like it could be more but I need to let that go I need to trust in Lord and his plan. I know he want me to be where I am. I know God is good. But why would he have me love this man. Because he tell me every day to pray for him and love him. So it just finding the next steps and trusting in God in everything

Looking at life

So Sunday was our Last time we will meet outside for church. Which I sitll don’t know why we don’t have church at 9 & 11 when we go back inside on the 8 but there things I don’t understand.

But also that day JP told me his mom had a stroke. So let all get together and prayer for her.

Church outside we was great because my old Pastor preached.

Then we had had Super on Sunday.

It was a great time of food and prayer.

Now I just got to find a better way to find make money but at least there is uber which is better then nothing.

What does God want from me

Have you ever thought this is what God wants from me but you were so wrong. Well that is me. There is something I been praying for. Something I can’t let go of. Even last week I just felt like God wants me to give it to him and he will bring it back. So as I wait my mind keep saying one thing at all the time. I am so unsure what is God plan anymore I fell so lost all the time. I keep crying every time I pray for this. I never felt so off before. I just want God to make a spread sheet for me and tell me what to do it would be so much easier then just waiting. But that is what he say wait on me lean on me do not walk alone. But what do I tell people it does not even make sense to me. I will keep praying keep asking God and hope he will let me know sooner then later.

October 4-10

This is Sunday Message

Well after I saw my mom and dad on Sunday I saw I was -120 short in my bank account so I had to do a few Uber Eats runs to make up for spending to much.

Monday-Thursday I been starting to run Uber much earlyer so I can get done earlyer so I have to work out later. But it is not about the time of day it about moving but I still need to to find the right work out to do.

Friday I had to drive to mom and dad again so dad can check out my car and computer.

Saturday I just ran Uber and ran all over Austin to get a few thing now I need to to figure out my bills how much money I need to make and ect.